My Money Can’t Buy Me Love
Lord knows that I’ve learned that a woman should keep her wallet closed when it comes to spending money on dates. I was told years ago (from a guy) that a woman should never even look at the bill because it implies intent to pay so I do my best to look away, start another conversation, go to the bathroom, check out my jewelry, or whatever it takes to be a proper lady and let the MAN pay! Sometimes, this backfires.
I was the third wheel on a blind date a couple of years ago. For some reason being the third wheel or having a third wheel on my dates has never bothered me. The third wheel can hear verbal nuggets the actual person may miss like, “my parole officer says, or my wife is, or my doctor thought it was….”
On this third wheel date, I was completely impressed with my friend’s immediate chemistry with her date. Within an hour the two had exchanged flirty touches and lots of cute but intellectual banter. This was too good to be true…and …it was.
For the whole of the night, I’d consumed one drink and a four dollar happy hour catfish special which I shared with my girlfriend (I was saving up for an Alexander Wang Rocco bag). In total, I probably ate about ten dollars worth of food and would have happily paid for it except that my friend’s date kept bragging about his prestigious position as Vice President of a bank. I can’t tell you how many times I caught the glare from his shiny new Tiffany cufflinks ($275).
As time passed we moved from happy hour to the full price menu. My friend’s date must have had a tape worm because he ordered food like he was going to be throwing a party in his belly later. He ordered, he consumed…….He ordered, he consumed. Mr. Banker being so full and seemingly in love with my friend thought he’d do me a favor and invite his friend to stop by making our trio into strange double date. His friend promptly arrived, sandwiched himself between the happy couple and myself, then ordered himself an appetizer, meal, and two drinks (full price). While I nursed my lukewarm catfish, my “date” bragged about his career as a something special. I could tell my friend was still happy so I played the polite part until the bill arrived and sat untouched in front of Mr. Banker like it had the bubonic plague. We chatted for a bit, our place settings were cleared, the waiter came over three times to check on the bill…and it sat untouched by human banker hands. I excused myself to the restroom and when I returned I saw my girlfriend’s American Express sticking out between her fingers. Mr. Banker, the great mathematician leans over to me and says, “That’ll be seventy per person.” I reluctantly, passed my credit card into the pile then glared at my girl who had completely stopped her chattering and slid almost over into my lap.
The night ended quickly once our bill was settled. Mr. Banker still oblivious to the lopsidedness of the this Double Dutch drama told my friend that he’s had a wonderful evening and that he’d been speaking again soon. My friend grunted and mumbled, “Not even if God came in and paid the bill.”
Lesson Learned: Leave all forms of payment at home and if it looks as if he’s going to ask you to go Dutch find the nearest exit.
Famous Buy Default 